Thursday, June 13, 2013

Rock Hopping Champ

WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for the reader
  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • strong verbs
  • uses the senses (look, feel, hear, taste, smell)
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)

I’m about to jump. Should I do it? No, yes, no, ok, I’ll do it.  I leap and land on the nearby rock. “That was close I almost slipped” I say to myself. I see Marcus playing on top of a large rock “come look at this”, he yells. I hop from rock to rock to rock. I feel full of beans. I've almost made it but there was no rocks left to jump on. I look around. I can’t find one. I try again, still nothing. I’m about to give up. Suddenly there hidden in the grass I see it a perfect stone I jump at first I thought I wasn't going to make it but then I knew I would I land. “YES!” I yell “I made it." I hop over to Marcus. "I found a little prison" he said. I look down. It was the large rock he was playing on and it was wedged into ground and surrounded by sticks for the bars. I slid through a gap in the sticks and pretend to be trapped. I took a photo. It looks like I was really trapped. Marcus climbs to the top of the rock and starts to go crazy with excitement. Wow I thought That was fun. As we walk back to camp I hope that one day I get to do that again!




  1. Wow Elijah!
    Your story really begins in the action.
    I like how you have said verbs in your story.
    And you have written it in present tense to.
    Well done, Keep it up:-)

  2. Wow Elijah awesome story!
    I really like how you never give up you keep on trying.
    Well done!

  3. Great story Elijah.
    Rock hopping was fun!
    I like how you used "I was full of beans" because that was in a story to describe a boy how he was full of energy.
    Keep up the good work! :)

  4. Wow Elijah
    Great post
    I like the bit when Marcus found the prison and you go stuck in it.
    Well done !!!


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