Monday, June 24, 2013

Camp day three Conquering the caves

This is my day three story of camp. I've added my success criteria because this is a piece of writing going in to my evidence book and I will assessed on it so please tell me what you think using the criteria.

WALT choose words that describe a moment (in an exciting way) for 

the reader


  • begins in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • strong verbs
  • uses the senses (look, feel, hear, taste, smell)
  • language features (simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia, metaphor)
  • show personality (sounds like you, humour, feelings, exaggeration)

Conquering the caves

I’m climbing down the long muddy ladder I touch the ground woops! I slip and go zooming through the mud. I finally stop just before I fall into a hole “that was close,” I say as I get back in line. I climb up into the cave it is really dark and I turn on my torch. A mud ball comes flying past my head and I get a splash of mud on my nose. Ellis and Lily were throwing mud balls at each other they just can’t stop fighting. I look back and they're both covered in mud, Ellis looks like he has a mustache and Lily looked like she had mud for lunch. I laugh as I carry on through the cave. I reach the top I scramble up a slippery slimy rock. Richard helps me and I make it to the top. I can’t wait for the next cave.

We walk on through to a dry shelter where we have a snack. but we don’t stay for long. I clamber up the hill to the weta cave. The weta cave is not as dark as the last cave so we leave our torches off. I was not able to see any weta which was a bit disappointing but it’s ok because I’ve seen lots today. The weta cave is over quickly but we still have one left.

It takes us a little while but we eventually arrive at the last cave. This cave is very wet and muddy. I see a weta as we trudge through the cave and it’s a big one about about 6 cm long. Not long after the weta we come across a spider. It is the biggest one I've ever seen. The spider is sitting under a  hole in the roof. There's water dripping down from the hole and makes a little creek. We reach  the end of the cave and the creek has become one big dirty puddle. Take a step in SPLASH! the water instantly soaks into my socks it feels like I’m walking through mud in baer feet. I slowly make my way through the puddle my shoes squelching all the while. At the end of the puddle there is a big ladder at the top of the ladder there is light. Sadly the caving is over but at least I won't be walking around in my soaking wet shoes anymore.



  1. Wow Elijah!
    I love how you have described all of your writing.
    I like the little comic at the end.
    What was your best part of caving.
    Well done:-)

  2. Great work Elijah!
    It was funny when you said that Lily looked like she had mud for lunch,
    what was really funny was Ellis looking like he had a mudstache (Mustache made out of mud).
    Cool comic life story picture,
    it's really funny when you say "here I come" because you looked like you were stuck!
    Keep up the god work!

  3. Awesome work Elijah,
    It was funny when you said, Ellis and Lily were throwing mud balls at each other they just can’t stop fighting.
    Your recording was nice and clear well done.
    I like how you added a photo and added speech bubbles, that's really cool.
    Keep up the great work.
    Well done!!!


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