Thursday, April 03, 2014


WALT use different sentence starters and lengths.

To do this, I will try to:
  • Start sentences with different words
  • Start sentences with capital letters
  • Use other punctuation (check the ladder)
  • Show my feelings
  • Use my senses to describe
  • Include strong verbs


I dashed through the fresh morning air with my friends by my side up the steep rocky mountain. My phone was in my pocket but I didn’t care. I keep running through the bush. “Come on guys the checkpoints just around the corner” I yell as turn the corner. It was the day of the great bush run, we had to run  through the rough terrain of cliff peak, swim through the ice cold water the water fall and do a 2 km bike back down to the finish line. And I had accidentally packed my phone! It was too late to turn back not now. We were almost at the waterfall.

I took off my bag off and gave it to one of the bag carriers. Leaving my phone with it. I swam fast through the cool stream. Through my goggles I could see my friends still beside me.

I jumped out of the water and grabbed my bag. I ran to the bike stands. I found my helmet and jumped on my bike. I hit a stone and fell back onto my bag. “OH NO!” I thought “MY PHONE!”.
I quickly hopped back on my bike and started off the bike again. I soon caught up to my friend and continued the race. I was almost at the end My chances of winning were high. I was almost there yes I won. But what about my phone. I parked my bike and opened my bag. I took out my phone it was ok. “Phew” I said relieved.  At that moment dad came over and gave me a big pat on the back. My phone slid out my hand and crashed to the ground. It was BROKEN.


  1. Cool story Elijah. I like the ending, how the phone slipped out of your hands and it broke when your dad patted you on the back. Good story.

  2. Great story Elijah.I liked the middle part.Great story

  3. Nice story Elijah keep it up.

  4. Awesome story Elijah. great verb dashed. Great job and keep on the great work

    Sincerely Brayden


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